We human have an amazing ability to fool ourselves into believing that the reality as it is is not the truth and we make up an amazing array of illusion in our head to escape into because in that illusion, the world moves according to our script; chapter by chapter, play after play.
I also was a victim to such elaborate illusion as well. I thought that if I deny whatever that has happened, it may cease to happen but who am I kidding? When thing went wrong, it just.........went wrong. That's it. No amount of dream or "what if...." incantation can make it otherwise.
Let's face the reality, then. The reality is P and I are in a rough, complicated patch right now. Well, right now would be a bit of misrepresentation of the situation. I should say it has been going on for few weeks already. No, we didn't have any catfight nor any major argument. It only took one night to change thing to what it is now. It just required me to be honest with my feeling and and the reality of our relationship. In that one night, I poured out almost everything that I had been keeping down all these while though it was done in a calm tone, not in anger like I stupidly done previously.
Will it end well? I don't know though I wish it will. Will I give anything just to get him back? Not that I don't want to but rather I can't. I have already given my everything ever since the beginning of this endeavor because he is the guy that I don't want to lose.
Maybe one day I will make it known what transversed during that night but for now, I will just hold on to whatever shred of hope I have right now. Maybe it's not really hope but rather my damn stubbornness not to give up on him.
Know that, my feeling towards u has remain unchanged up till now. Yeah, I know I'm stupid.
Undoubtedly yours,
B
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