The perks of being a wallflower - Part 1

Finished with "The perks of being a wallflower". I bought it during the recent book fair after J urged me to read since last year when we first met.

It was a nice book; very light and not too much conflict it. It isn't like Jodi Picoult that made my heart race every single page but enough just to keep me turning the pages one after another. The most famous quote from the book is "We accept love we think we deserve". It is great but isn't the greatest for me. Two part really caught my attention and let's go through one of the two.

It was when Charlie had a conflict with his bunch of friends and he was alone for quite some time. He used to be alone without any friend before this but now when he knew what it feel like to have a friend, he didn't know how long he can go on without one.

It struck me; it is the same with love. At least in my case. Before I ever taste it, I can just go around, pacing ur life without thinking about it and be happy all the time. I don't feel sad when I see a couple walks pass by me while I was all alone. It just didn't stir any emotion in me whatsoever. I knew that's what love like but I couldn't be bother at all. Life at that particular only consisted of me; not in the selfish way but in the aspect of been whole. I felt completed, like there's nothing else I ever need to make my life better and I'm happy.

But the story changed once love touched me. I didn't change as a person but my heart did, just a lil' bit. Where it was whole once, now there's a small part of it that remain vacant waiting to be filled by love and most of the time, it isn't. It doesn't make me fall into desperation and profess love to any guy I stumble on but it somehow pulls me back a little. I long for it. I can live without it but it won't be the kind of life I used to experience before.

Yeah, I know I shouldn't think that way, that I should start by loving myself yada yada yada but it's easier said than done. I'm trying but sometimes small part of me just wanted to give in and crumble. I don't know myself sometimes. I just don't.

Sometimes, not knowing is not really a bad thing.

Love
me